Truth

I am labeled a felon. 

Quite a long time ago, or so it seems, but in reality only a few years ago, five to be true, I was released from jail after having spent six months inside. Why? What could I have done to be placed in such an environment? I emotionally wounded several family members through my actions, words and manners. I acted in ways quite unbecoming.

Jail is more than a physical building. It is a spiritual void as well. I lived in both.

Evil had found a way into my life. I succumbed to bad dreams, thoughts and voices. Saying and doing things outside of my character. Even my family did not recognize me. In reality, I did not recognize myself!

Instead of fighting I gave up. I quit the ministry we as a family had been with for so long. How I wish I had not! Family, especially my children, had been pushed to the background. Closing my eyes and ears to those more wise had taken a back seat.  Not being in the Word. Not seeking help from my own emotional turmoil and scarring led me to a breakdown like I had never known. 

I am thankful that most all of my family have continued to love and support me in ways I could never have imagined. For their intervention into my life and putting up with me while I recovered and worked through my life. 

I know I will never, in my own power or strength, be able to redeem and make right my relationships with all of my family.

But I do know I have over the last few years been able to overcome so many self doubts and lies both from people around me and those enemies of our soul which are always looking for a way to steal, kill and destroy.

My friend Tim, has encouraged me much by his words.

This is what I wrote in a response to one of his blogs. 

Tim, thank you for sharing from your heart. I too have been afraid to talk of my past as well. Former Bible translator, someone looked up to in the community, etc, etc.... 

Even though the last few years or so have been extremely difficult and painful, God is beginning to redeem that lost time. Restored relationships, beginning work on translation again, gaining a bit of credibility and trust. But I must admit, it has not been an easy path. Lots of emotional bruising that I did to people I love. And not just bruising but some deep wounding.

Thankful for God's grace that has been running interference to satan's lies. Thank you so much for your honesty. You have helped to open a number of doors for others who thought they had lost all, but are gaining back more. I too, have been given a second chance.

Blessings in Jesus to you.

So why am I posting something so personal, dark, and damning? Why am I sharing it out in the light?   

For the simple fact that God says we are to share honestly and openly with those who walk in the light with us.

Is it hard to write this? Most assuredly! Is it scary to not know how anyone stumbling upon this blog will respond. Again, yes! But we are not bound by man's identity of our lives. We are simply and totally bound to our Lord Jesus and His life in and through us.

This is also freeing. It is like a cleansing walk under a waterfall. Like a releasing of a fear that has tried to hold me captive by shame and regret. Thank God for that release.

I have renewed relationships and am once again involved in life. To the fullest I am able. Working on translation. Singing. Playing guitar. Blogging (of sorts). Actually more like journaling. Being involved in a local ministry to those, who as I did, think in their minds they have fallen from grace. Photography. Bike riding. Just plain and simply, living. 

Not surviving. 

LIVING!

So whoever may read this, or chance upon these simple words, this is what I have to say.

Let Jesus, who speaks more than words, who speaks freedom and life, take control of your life.

He is the one who always gives a second chance. He loves unconditionally and will never give up on you.

Continuing to joy in the journey.

Amen!